A Message From the Pastor
Exciting Archeological Find Made at Grangeville

Archeologists recently discovered a nearly fully extant copy of a Grangeville Christian Church newsletter. In spite of moderate calcification, and some indication of apparently high levels of prior use, most of the content of the ancient and now nearly forgotten newsletter was still readable. In the course of their studies of the long-lost documents, experts sought to piece together the story of how the newsletter ever came to be lost in the dusty cobwebs of used-to-be and long-far-ago. The scientists indicated that the forensic evidence strongly suggests that the newsletter used to be a monthly production. The best guess as to its apparent demise is that the office support staff became disoriented as a result of eating too many chocolate glazed donuts while chit-chatting. There were indications that the senior pastor, which the document reveals was a gentleman named Harold Gott, had sought to prevent the loss of this clearly important organ of communication. However, the experts believe the evidence supports the hypothesis that he was simply unable to overcome the donut-induced delirium of his staff. (You know how it is when people get that glazed-by-donuts-faraway-look, and these girls definitely had it.) Out of respect for the ancient document it was sent to the Smithsonian for preservation.

Okay, so it wasn't the result of overconsumption of chocolate glazed donuts. It was a series of other unpreventable events that were not nearly as much fun as the donuts would have been. Here's the deal: basically, WE'VE BEEN SWAMPED! Every week we have the world's best intentions of producing another edition of our nearly-award-winning newsletter...and every week we end up needing to devote our efforts to other vital ministry endeavors. One thing led to another and, well, you never received a newsletter. And we're sorry. (To which my wife will usually reply by saying, "You're not sorry...you're pathetic!"

Here's my plan of response to deal with the complex and concerning problems associated with the dormancy of our newsletter.

1. I intend to spend more time yelling at the staff. Lots of overt fear and intimidation will no doubt result in their being much more productive.

2. I plan to take more time for contemplation and cnsideration at the Crema Cafe drinking Cuban Breves, since I need to be able to think the really important big thoughts that lead to the kind of high quality writing you have come to expect from my scintillating articles.

3. Clearly, one of the challenges we encounter is the continual flow of high-impact ministry needs. In review of the normal flow of the work week, here's the challenge we face:

• Sundays are already booked.

• Mondays are our catch-up day, so they are not a good day to do the high end cognitive functions required for newsletter production.

• Tuesdays are the day we recover from Monday.

• Wednesdays are impacted by Kids' Time and other serious stuff like that.

• Thursdays are the day I do sermon study - can't do a newsletter that day. Which brings us to --

• Fridays, and by then we are way too tired to work on a newsletter.

• Stephanie and Linda refuse to work on Saturdays. Therefore,

• I am injecting an additional day into the weeks that we need to produce a newsletter which will be called, "You girls get it done or else!" day. (Call me at the Crema Cafe when you're finished, and I'll come and critique your work.)

And there you have it, a surefire solution for saving the Grangeville Christian Church newsletter!! And now, after reading this article, you can see why they pay me the Big Bucks. Somebody has to think about the Real Big Issues...and that's just what I've done here.

God Bless You Real Good...Clear Until the Next Copy of the Newsletter Arrives!

Pastor Harold
Email: harold@grangevillechristianchurch.org